We sin: write the first thought, miss the best order, and then add is, was, of, by, to-be, there, there are, it is, which, who, whom.
Promote a noun into a verb.
Remove un-needed words (e.g. advance notice is notice, each separate incident is each incident).
Avoid passive voice (e.g. It has been decided that your draft…for) which sounds committee-ish.
Active voice is object-verb-subject (e.g. Joe was hit by the ball) NOT subject-verb-object (the ball hit joe).
Eliminate of’s and their nouns, change “which” clauses into particples (e.g. a car which was going south…is a car going south), change nouns into verbs.
Use (as a noun or verb) can be wordy.
Careful not to over modify the noun or use too many noun pairs (e.g. puzzling in nature is puzzling…of great importance is important).
rules against wordiness
More: http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/concise.htm